a poem I wrote while freewriting with my students today

There can be no knowing
without intimacy.

There can be no intimacy
without consent.

There can be no consent
without trust.

There can be no trust
without familiarity.

There can be no familiarity
without proximity.

There can be no proximity
without luck, or God, or whatever you call providence
that you may or may not believe in.

Yes,
you can know someone
without being intimate,
but that knowledge is not very deep.

Yes,
you can be intimate with someone
without consent,
but that intimacy is not freely given.

Yes,
you can have consent from someone
without trust,
but that consent is not perfectly honest.

Yes,
you can be trusted by someone
without familiarity,
but that trust is not properly earned.

Yes,
you can be familiar with someone
without proximity,
but that familiarity is not truly genuine.

And where you are not genuine,
you will always lack depth.

Intimacy can be stolen.
Consent can be forced.
Trust can be broken.
Familiarity can be pretended.
Proximity can be artificial.

So why go on?
Why wake up in the morning?
Why engage with another human?

Because of hope.
Because of authentic people.
Because of truthful speakers.
Because of patient listeners.
Because of me.
And because of you.

root canal

Yesterday I experienced a root canal. Basically, I have a bad tooth that needed a lot of work. It originally had a filling, but since I grind my teeth so much, I broke my tooth and the filling, and I've basically been without about one-third of that tooth for about six months. The root canal was necessary to seal up the nerves and make sure I don't infected, which is a bit scary to me. So, the doctor drilled out a decent-sized hole in my tooth, down to where he could get to the nerve. Then he filled the nerves with something like cement to basically kill the nerves and stop them from ever getting infection. Hopefully.

I guess I should say that I went to Dr. Newberry at Endodontics of the Ozarks. He was recommended to me by 417 Smiles.

Here's the real deal: I was really scared. I was nervous about this procedure. Honestly, I thought I might die. I thought that I needed to tell Kristin, "I love you" before I died. The situation forced me into thinking about what I wanted the last thing to be that I communicated to Kristin. It was rather surreal, in my mind, at least. I love Kristin so much, and I'm so scared of losing her, or even of her losing me.

I tried to stay calm through the whole check-in/preparation time, but my heart was racing and I couldn't stop it. When things finally started, when the doctor came, I think he could tell I was nervous. But when he really got going, I just closed my eyes, focused on steady, deep breaths, and said Psalm 23 to myself over and over.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

I remember having to write Psalm 23 over and over and over in elementary school, and I still remember it in that old translation, the King James, to this day. I said that psalm over and over in my head, and it calmed me so much. When everything was over, the doctor even said I did some "pretty serious mind-over-matter calming stuff." That made me feel good, but it also reinforced how good God is to me, and how thankful I need to be to him for his protection and comfort. 

I wanted to thank the doctor for his work, but he seriously already had another patient ready to roll. He was working so fast. I will totally recommend Dr. Newberry to anybody who asks, but I also have to recommend Jesus as well. They're both really good at what they do. 

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

This weekend the United States government recognizes and remembers the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. with a holiday in his honor. I don't have to go to school--meaning Springfield Public Schools honors the day. My wife has to work--meaning Willard Schools doesn't honor the day. That kind of blows me away, but then I looked online about the holiday, and I was blown away even more.

According to Wikipedia:
The campaign for a federal holiday in King's honor began soon after his assassination in 1968. President Ronald Reagan signed the holiday into law in 1983, and it was first observed three years later. At first, some states resisted observing the holiday as such, giving it alternative names or combining it with other holidays. It was officially observed in all 50 states for the first time in 2000.

I am dumb-founded by the fact that the holiday was officially observed in all fifty states for the first time in 2000. 

Sidenote: I know there are some out there who significantly doubt the veracity of Wikipedia, but I am not one of them. Regardless of my own naivete, or judgment, depending upon your perspective, I kept looking. 

According to Infoplease:

1983: Congress passes, President Reagan signs, legislation creating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
1986: Federal MLK holiday goes into effect
1993: For the first time, MLK Day is held in some form—sometimes under a different name, and not always as a paid state holiday—in all fifty states.
2000: Utah becomes the last state to recognize MLK Day by name, renaming its Human Rights Day state holiday. South Carolina becomes the last state to make MLK Day a paid holiday for all state employees. Until now, employees could choose between celebrating it or one of three Confederate-related holidays.

I discovered more surprises. It took fifteen years for Congress to pass the legislation, and three years to go into effect. I guess I am both naive and stupid, and for more reasons than just using Wikipedia. I didn't think it took fifteen years to get legislation passed in Congress or three years for something to begin to be implemented. It actually took seventeen years before the legislation was fully implemented in all fifty states. 

Since I've been reading about some U.S. Presidents lately, I have started thinking of history in terms of presidents. John F. Kennedy was president when Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. Kennedy himself was assassinated, and Lyndon Johnson became president. Then came Richard Nixon. Then came Gerald Ford. Then came Jimmy Carter. Then came Ronald Reagan, who signed the legislation that Congress had passed. Then came George H.W. Bush. Then came Bill Clinton, who was president when all fifty states officially observed the holiday. That's a long freaking time. And get this, after Bill Clinton came George W. Bush. And after him came Barack Obama, the first African-American president. Now, by this point I should be writing in all caps and using lots and lots of exclamation marks. And if you heard me talking this through, you would hear it in my voice. Is that not amazing?!?! How is this possible?!?!

So, Infoplease seems to be owned by Pearson Education, Inc., at least according to the bottom of the webpage and their Company Overview page. If I was really smart, or a really good writer, I would take the time to juxtapose Wikipedia (big, free, collaborative, organic) with Pearson (big, expensive, obstructive, diplomatic), but I am neither of those things. 

I am a white man. Simply based on my physical description I am in a position of power, according to most recent history in the United States. The world and the U.S. have changed quite a bit since the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr., and even since 1983, when a holiday in his honor was created. We have an African-American U.S. President. We almost had a female U.S. President. Those are great advances, and testimony to the good work of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I admire the work of Martin Luther King, Jr. because of what it advanced: equal-rights. I hate unequal playing fields. If the life is one big game, then the game is rigged. So many people are playing at a huge disadvantage, while others have huge and unfair advantages. But life isn't fair either. I learned that, too. So what are we to do?

I guess, this weekend, I'll join in with many others in remembering someone who worked to make life somehow more fair, more hospitable, more welcoming. And I'll remember that the work is not done.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

"I told my doctor about that, and he gave me new medicine, so it won't happen anymore."

I said this to Kristin, when discussing the absurdity that the giant format graphic text World War Robot was used as a lap desk for my computer, since I had recently broken my plastic lap desk in a fit of rage while grading some nonsense assignment. Kristin didn't like using World War Robot as a lap desk, and argued that a proper lap desk would be much better.

Really, I was responding to what her eyes were saying, not her words. After I said these words she laughed a lot, which made me feel better about the whole thing.

And she's right. A proper lap desk would do better than a 12" x 12" hardback book. But right now I think that's my lesson to learn, and not hers, since I'm the one that broke the previous lap desk. 

2014 resolution, some changes

We're a week in to 2014 and since I've only had two days of school, and two snow days, I've had lots of time to read and think. So, today I've made a new year's resolution for 2014--the first so far.

I've made a few revisions to this blog, which I don't seem to have used since 2010, and I plan to post to the Writings page, Readings page, and Pictures page once a week. I'll write something myself, to practice my skill and hone my craft. I'll share something that I've read, and what I think about it. And I'll take a picture and post it, along with a caption or a thought. I'll try to do each of these things once a week. I want to learn. Right now, I'm inspired. Let's see how disciplined I can be.