the big "C" or one of the scariest things I can think of

Cancer. Saying it's scary is obviously an understatement.

On Monday night, Drew's dad died from an inoperable brain tumor. I found out yesterday, during a lavish dinner with wonderful people, as we shared our thoughts, our histories, and our plans for the future.

It's hard for Drew to have plans for his future. He actually quit his job. He was tired of it. I wonder how his father might think of planning for the future.

Today I sat next to Rhonda. She's already battled breast cancer. Last summer (if my timeline is correct) she found out she had a brain tumor. They operated on her to cut it out, but, as far as I know, they also put her through radiation. Late in July of this summer she found out that pieces of the older tumor probably remained, and are now growing. One doctor has told her to wait for 3 months--then they can decide if they operate or do radiation treatment. Another doctor wants to laster cut that sucker out and be done with it. Both of those scenarios scare me. Rhonda's having a hard time planning for school. She doesn't even know if she should be planning her life, and yet she goes on.

God bless Drew and his family. God bless Rhonda and her family.

slow

Lots of things going through my mind.

• My growing love and appreciation of rap music.
• My desire to create engaging, worthwhile lessons for my students.
• My attempt to bring podcasting to my Holocaust studies class.
• How is soccer going to work out, with all the other conflicts? And how many pissed off girls am I going to have when I tell them they can't do volleyball or track and soccer?
• What would it be like to teach a high school class without computers but with an accessible computer lab?
• Can I really paint my house and put things together so that I am proud of it, or am I going to need to hire painters to come in to do the work?
• Can I paint the house, and teach, and work with the OWP, and coach soccer, and lead a Life Group, and stay sane?
• Should I take a sick day sometime this week so that I can recover and get myself healthy and together?
• Am I able to build a website for the OWP that is respectable, and up to standards, and useful all at the same time?
• Can I manage the volume and diversity of emails I am now receiving with the OWP, and keep things organized by program and activity and my own responsibility?

All of these things are possible, but not all of these things are beneficial, to put my own spin on 1 Corinthians 10:23. This is basically what I'm thinking about. How do I make the tough decisions that will benefit me? How will I navigate these waters? I guess this is where my character and my true self are revealed, even in some little things.

It's been nice to reflect, and at least get some questions down on paper. My biggest question right now: how will I say to my mind that stays going and going and going that I need to go to sleep?

In other big news: THE SAINTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL! I really would like to have my house nice for that, and have people over, but I know it won't be done. I'll still hopefully have a few people over anyway.

firsts

Tonite, after school, I went to a promotional shoot for Life Groups for James River. I went to a guy's house and pretended to be friends with people I didn't know. It was super awkward at first, but then the camera people started making us talk, and we actually got along-imagine that! So I ended up meeting a bunch of new people, some of whom seemed very cool. I was able to avoid most of the video shoots, and I'm pretty sure any video I was in will end up on the cutting room floor, but I was in one of the group photos, which could mean I have my face on some stationary that James River uses to recruit people to join Life Groups. That could prove to be a bit weird.

So I've come home now, and am doing the Tar Heels medicine ball 200 workout that my mom printed off for me from Men's Health. I'm already dying. My legs are absolutely killing me; my shoulders are shot, and I'm breathing hard. It seems like every exercise is meant to work my core, so my abs and lower back are throbbing. The advantages are: I will sleep well tonite, I don't have the TV on, I don't even have music on. I'm living life in a productive manner without consuming. I'm producing by exercising and I'm producing by writing, and soon I will add a new picture to my 365/2010 project. I'm feeling good about myself today. Let's hope most Mondays in 2010 start off this well.