root canal

Yesterday I experienced a root canal. Basically, I have a bad tooth that needed a lot of work. It originally had a filling, but since I grind my teeth so much, I broke my tooth and the filling, and I've basically been without about one-third of that tooth for about six months. The root canal was necessary to seal up the nerves and make sure I don't infected, which is a bit scary to me. So, the doctor drilled out a decent-sized hole in my tooth, down to where he could get to the nerve. Then he filled the nerves with something like cement to basically kill the nerves and stop them from ever getting infection. Hopefully.

I guess I should say that I went to Dr. Newberry at Endodontics of the Ozarks. He was recommended to me by 417 Smiles.

Here's the real deal: I was really scared. I was nervous about this procedure. Honestly, I thought I might die. I thought that I needed to tell Kristin, "I love you" before I died. The situation forced me into thinking about what I wanted the last thing to be that I communicated to Kristin. It was rather surreal, in my mind, at least. I love Kristin so much, and I'm so scared of losing her, or even of her losing me.

I tried to stay calm through the whole check-in/preparation time, but my heart was racing and I couldn't stop it. When things finally started, when the doctor came, I think he could tell I was nervous. But when he really got going, I just closed my eyes, focused on steady, deep breaths, and said Psalm 23 to myself over and over.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

I remember having to write Psalm 23 over and over and over in elementary school, and I still remember it in that old translation, the King James, to this day. I said that psalm over and over in my head, and it calmed me so much. When everything was over, the doctor even said I did some "pretty serious mind-over-matter calming stuff." That made me feel good, but it also reinforced how good God is to me, and how thankful I need to be to him for his protection and comfort. 

I wanted to thank the doctor for his work, but he seriously already had another patient ready to roll. He was working so fast. I will totally recommend Dr. Newberry to anybody who asks, but I also have to recommend Jesus as well. They're both really good at what they do. 

This one’s inspired by the Good Book

“A time is coming and has now come.”

These are words attributed to Jesus throughout the Gospel of John. I quote them often, mostly to myself, as a reminder that the time for procrastination has passed. There is no more time. Action must be taken now. In fact, it’s too late for action. I’m feeling like this in so many areas of my life.

Yesterday, at the Life Group (a small group from the church I attend) I lead, a guy who I’ve become very close to, told us that his dad had hours to live. His father has been suffering from a brain tumor for almost a year now, and the end is here. The doctors allowed the family to take him home, where he has now been unconscious for three days. As I type this, I have not heard word how things have gone. This friend shared the news with us, a group that includes three teachers (decent at handling sudden truths) and two counselors (both very good at their jobs), and we were shocked into silence. “A time is coming and has now come.”

Tomorrow begins my final week of preparations before the beginning of my fifth year of teaching. After year one, I figured I could do this for the rest of my life, even if I sucked at it. Now, it’s weird to think that I’ve made it five years. I’ve got meetings all the way until Tuesday, when the students will finally be asked to break their leave and return to the cinderblock city. My responsibilities are growing and changing, and honestly, I’m scared out of my mind. There are so many things that I want to do well, and people that I want to impress, or at least not let down, that I’m almost overcome with anxiousness. “A time is coming and has now come.”

I just got off the phone with a wonderful person, who I’ve only known for a short time, but with whom I feel oddly connected. This is the first time I’ve written about this relationship development, but with this quote in my head, I cannot deny the kernel of an idea ready to pop. I need to process, but I don’t know if I’m ready to publicly. “A time is coming and has now come.”

These scenarios all scare me in one way or another, but they also hold immense hope. Why is it that such a paradoxical statement, like, “A time is coming and has now come” so completely encompasses my confusion on these matters. Lord, I wish I knew the answers.