Tuesday Morning

We went to the doctor. Kristin's pregnant.
She had to clarify for one of the nurses doing an admittance questionnaire:
"Five pregnancies, one living child."

I walked out thinking about people that have five kids. We have one "living" child at home. It's a different world--five and one.

The more I age, the more I find myself in surprising situations. This was one of them.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

"I told my doctor about that, and he gave me new medicine, so it won't happen anymore."

I said this to Kristin, when discussing the absurdity that the giant format graphic text World War Robot was used as a lap desk for my computer, since I had recently broken my plastic lap desk in a fit of rage while grading some nonsense assignment. Kristin didn't like using World War Robot as a lap desk, and argued that a proper lap desk would be much better.

Really, I was responding to what her eyes were saying, not her words. After I said these words she laughed a lot, which made me feel better about the whole thing.

And she's right. A proper lap desk would do better than a 12" x 12" hardback book. But right now I think that's my lesson to learn, and not hers, since I'm the one that broke the previous lap desk. 

highs and lows and some humanity

highs: 
Yesterday I had a good day at school. In my 7th period class, Holocaust Studies, I talked to the students about why we're actually studying the Holocaust. It's the one time in class when I set aside time for actually talking directly at the students. I never like doing it because the resources of books and videos and websites are much more effective in conveying a message, but on this occasion I had everyone's undivided attention. It was almost fun. The students had many questions, showing they were engaged and thinking about what we're going to spend time studying. 


Then we went to the Library for a book pass. I'd forgotten how cool book passes can be, but was reminded about them this summer at the OWP SI. I do book talks, and have the students do book talks, and see value there, but part of me wants to judge which is more effective at connecting students to books, and that part of me thinks that book passes are better because it puts the books in the hands of the students. But then I think about how book talks give a reader voice, to tell about a book and their experiences in reading, and that is pretty powerful. 


Well, I'm blessed to have a librarian who works really hard to provide the students with amazing books and resources. She really is great. She's written grants every year I've been teaching the class (this will be my 3rd) in order to add to the Holocaust Literature library. So, I worked with her to find a good mix of books and then placed them at different tables. The students (28) sat at different tables, looked at the books in 1 minute cycles, and then passed the books from table to table. It worked out really well. Actually, I wasn't feeling like it was working all that well, because they were pretty talkative and a bit louder than I would have liked, but the cool thing was that they were talking about the books, asking questions to one another, and telling each other about the books they had already read. Because many of the books had pictures, they were also sharing the pictures and captions (learning already). I do have my own supply of books, and two were signed by the authors: Bondi's Brother, by Irving Roth and Edward Roth, was signed by Irving Roth during my attendance at the 2008 Holocaust Educators Network Summer Seminar; Eva's Story, by Eva Schloss with Evelyn Julia Kent, was signed by Eva Schloss for my mother after a lecture at the World War II Museum in New Orleans. The students love looking at and showing off the signatures. 


The most fun moment came during the selection of books. After getting to look at the different books, I had the students rank their top three. I showed off the book, and then had those who wanted it check the book out. The problem came when multiple people wanted a book that we only had one copy of. This turned into a great problem for me to have. Students were competing, making cases, for why they wanted the book more and why they should be the one to get to check it out. It also allowed the Librarian and I to connect students with other, similar books. The experience was a bit wild and frenzied because it was happening at the end of the day and I wanted everyone to get to check out, and it certainly could have gone better if I had maybe 5 more minutes, but that's the way things go. On Monday we'll talk about the reading schedule and they'll get set up with wiki pages to share about their books. I'm really excited, and hope that they keep the enthusiasm. 


lows:
I didn't blog about this experience yesterday, which means that I'm the first to lose out on blogging every day of the school year. Thankfully, Sara is really patient with me. I'm trying to blog from school, before I leave, but things weren't working out for me. I left later than normal, without blogging, and headed over to hang out with Casey and Keri. It had been a while since we've done that, and it was really good for me. Then I forgot to blog.


Then this morning I woke up feeling lousy. I've been dealing with some crazy stomach issues that I won't go into, but I will simply tell that I puked enough this morning to scare me. It wasn't one of those, "I'll-puke-and-feel-better-after" pukes either. This happened as I was going out the door to school, so when I arrived at school I asked the secretary to get me a sub as soon as she could, and she was super nice about everything. THANK YOU, ROBIN! I left school around 8:30 to go home before a 10:30 doctor's appointment--the 3rd in 7 days. Not cool. Running more tests, getting more and more invasive, having more scary conversations; it all left me cold and uncomfortable. I walked out of the doctor's office feeling so lonely and tired that I totally broke down in my car. I wept for at least 10 minutes, not knowing how to feel better, how to be healthy. This totally sucks. I didn't even get to finish my first week of school because of this junk. I'm not happy because I don't feel good, I'm legitimately sick according to the doctor but he can't figure out why, and things are now affecting my job. I hate this. 


So there it is. Sorry I had to lay that out there. It wasn't my original intention for this to be some personal blog, but I'm human. My humanity affects my ability as a teacher.

this is the definition of mundane

Today I had to get an ultrasound done. I've been having some issues with intense stomach pains, and been really pukey. Last Thursday I went to the doctor and he gave me some prescription, and then he wanted to run more tests. 


I'm convinced doctors approach people the same way mechanics approach cars, the same way "computer guys" approach computer problems, the same way plumbers approach toilets and sinks. They (doctors, if you're not keeping up) don't quite know what it wrong, so they try a bunch of different things out, and each time they can cross something off the list they get closer to making the right diagnosis, or choosing the right answer. This is why the show House is fairly popular: really smart people with problems of their own arguing about what the diagnosis is, and putting patients through the most bizarre tests ever. 


In order for the ultrasound to be effective (they wanted to be able to look at my gallbladder), I had to fast food and drink for 12 hours. The appointment was at 10:45 am this morning; you do the math. So after leaving KK's house at about 10:15, I immediately went to McDonald's (not my first choice, but they were open on a late Sunday night) for two McChicken sandwiches, both of which had more mayonnaise on them than chicken, a small water (free), and a small strawberry-banana smoothie. I wanted to make sure I got some good protein, but also had enough liquids and fruits to carry me over. The meal was ok, except for all the ridiculous mayonnaise, but I reminded myself that it was McDonald's. 


I didn't got to bed until about 12:15, and I was super thirsty. I knew that mentally I was beating myself up over being so thirsty, so I just went to sleep. This super short test was revealing to me how strong my desires were, but also were helpful in reminding me of self-control. 


When I woke up this morning, the small water I had ordered from McDonald's was still on the counter, and sweating. This meant it was still cool. I wanted some water so bad, but I didn't even take the previous prescription the doctor told me to take--I refrained from everything. The temptation was strong, but I reminded myself what I was hoping for, and what I was doing this stupid short fast for. 


I went to school from 7:30-10:00, where I got a lot done, and again was tempted to eat some cheap foods. The PTSA had brought breakfast for the teachers, and were providing us with shirts. I avoided the breakfast time, and didn't go down there until about 9:00. Still, food was on the table and people immediately began asking where I had been. After informing them that I couldn't eat, they played it cool. I was helpful for this. 


The rest of the day was easy. My stomach growled and grumbled all the way up until the appointment. But by the time I had made it to St. John's I was totally fine. I was nervous and scared about the test, and not sure where I was going. That nervousness overpowered any feelings of hunger. The temptation to eat had ended; the temptation to break down out of nervousness took precedence. 


While at St. John's Smith-Glynn-Calloway clinic I realized that I'm not around old people much, and old people creep me out. That's a terrible thing to say, and I realize that. That's why I'm writing it. So I have to process it. Well, none of my grandparents are still alive. I don't have any older friends here in Springfield. I haven't really participated in any outreach to older people, who somehow mostly live in communities in America. I work with young people; hang out with young people; volunteer with young people. I rarely ever see old people. But today, I saw a lot of old people. I had so many thoughts running through my head: "I never want to get old." "I have to stay healthy." "I don't want to look like that." "If I'm lonely at 30, maybe 75 won't be so bad. By then I'll be used to it." "I must stay healthy." And on and on the thoughts ran through my head. I even tweeted about it, which my brother responded to. 


I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe I should seek out interactions with older community members, in the effort to connect with them. They must be fairly wise, with all the age. They must have some really neat stories to tell. I guess I'm scared of sickness and uncleanliness. I need to get over that. I need to realize that old does not mean sick and unclean. The problem is, for so many people, that is what it means. And that sucks.