feeling rotten

Sometimes I make mistakes, and afterward I always feel rotten.

Sometimes I am presented with a possibility, and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I don't feel like I have someone with whom I can talk the possibility through, or the situation through, and I make a decision. I think about it. I consider alternatives. Then I make a decision. And almost immediately after finding someone who can talk things through with me, I realize how stupid my decision was. And afterward I feel rotten.

I guess I wish I allowed myself more time. I guess I wish I had someone immediately reliable who I could go to in order to talk through things. I need to process things verbally, but I also need wise counsel. I am not enough on my own. And sometimes, not being smart enough makes me feel rotten.

I hope that you take your time. I hope that you make better decisions. I hope that you have someone older, wiser, and patient, with whom you can share your conundrums. I hope that you have someone reliable and truthful and understanding to whom you can admit your weaknesses. I hope that you have someone compassionate and encouraging who can encourage you when you admit your mistakes. And I hope that after you've lived through your mistakes that you get to be the older, wiser, patient, reliable, truthful, understanding, compassionate, and encouraging someone to a younger version of yourself. I hope that you get to be that for someone else, otherwise we're all just wanting and wishing for what's available within a friend, neighbor, or coworker, but never sharing ourselves.