day 5 . . . and continuing

This is my fifth day in a row that I've sat down to write for this blog. Writing isn't something that I have ever done consistently, but since talking to Sara Allen at PV (and of the 2010 OWP SI) about my desire to write everyday, I've found a partner who consistently reminds me of my commitment. There have been days when I didn't remember, like today, and her reminder is necessary. There are other days (but since it's only been five, really not that many) that I've known what I wanted to write about and been itching to sit down.

Today, I want to clean. I want to lay on the couch in front of the TV, put my feet up, and fall asleep. I want to eat some of my left-over soup and allow my brain to turn into that same consistency as I flip the channels in search of God knows what. But now, I sit at my dirty dinner table and write. Mostly, I process.

I process last night and today and realize that I am incredibly blessed. I am surrounded by wonderful people, probably more so than at any other time in my life. I should qualify that statement by making an exception for family, because my family is amazing and when I was younger and we were all closer, nothing could beat us. But now, away from family and as I develop close friendships and work relationships I realize that I am so blessed to have great people in my life. I guess I'm only hoping that things continue in this pattern, and maybe somehow get even better.

just getting it done

I've done a bunch of driving today. And talking. I hate the driving, because it is so absolutely, inescapably hot. I love the talking. It's great. It's the people that make it great. Thanks to all you out there who I got to talk to today. You're great.

Keri and I are working on our "Twitter" piece, whatever it is, for the Digital Is website. I'm really excited to get back into it because it is fun working with Keri, and sharing what we know, even if the knowledge is somehow marginalized or devalued because of the timing. The Digital Is website is very cool. It's beautiful, really. I can't wait to see our work up there. I'm also imagining what other work I or we could put up on the site.

I love the fact that Christina and Kate (and the NWP) used Drupal to make the Digital Is website. And I'm really glad that the content will be user generated. It's important to have the curators there, but it's also important to see the work of regular people. Combining open source and user generated is exciting to me. It's time the high and lofty recognize the expertise present in the masses. It's time value judgments aren't made based on the name on a paper but on the quality of the work.

Civil rights is a fight for equality. It's not over. There are politicians doing all they can to make sure that access is not granted. There are intellectuals making sure that value is based on unfair assessments. Each step in the direction of granting open access and equal privileges is positive. Thank you to NWP for taking a step in that direction with Digital Is.

Now that I've gone on, Adbusters style, I'll stop. I don't know why I write this way, but it seems to always pour out of me this way.

I'm running late

If I believe in my students enough to know that they want to be better at __________ or that they simply want to be better human beings, I will trust them enough to overlook their mistakes, and I will see in them a great potential and future--NOT because I believe in them or I believe that they can be better, but because they believe in themselves and they want to be better.

The way we talk to one another, the way we approach each other, the way we encourage one another, and work with and for one another would change. And the change would be positive.

My students' learning is not dependent upon me, or the work that I do with and for them. My view, my approach, my perspective of my students and their learning will change me, but it could in turn affect them and their learning. When students believe in themselves, and want to be better, their behavior will be directed positively toward change. Students don't need me to do the believing or the wanting so that their behavior will change. That won't change anything.

"I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like"

Those are Eminem’s first words in the song “Love the Way You Lie” featuring Rihanna.

Yes, right now, I’m in love with Eminem’s rap, but I also feel like those words are appropriate. Today, I want to write about presence. I’m thinking this is only going to be a starting point for thinking/processing that will continue. Right now, I can’t quite make an objective statement, but I can tell you what I’m feeling.

I’ve always wanted to write a “This I Believe” essay based on the belief statement, “I believe presence is powerful.” I would choose two stories that I felt appropriately illustrate my belief. The stories would probably be about climbing Gray’s Peak with my mom and dad in the summer of 2009 and how important it was to my mom that I be there, or about my summertime visits with my nieces and how much I miss them and enjoy being with them, or about my student teaching experience when I promised the seniors I would be at graduation but then I didn’t go because I was sick and Tony—the first person in his family to graduate from high school—who happened to move into the same apartment complex I lived in called me out for not going. Those stories would illustrate how being present at something for someone changes things. It’s amazing that by simply showing your face and being who you are, you can influence the thinking of others, but it’s true. Or at least I believe it is.

Today, when I’m thinking about presence I’m thinking about being present in the moment. I was first encountered by this, or challenged by this idea, when in Austin at the National Writing Project Digital Literacies Resource Development Retreat. Joseph McCaleb, from the University of Maryland, challenged Keri Franklin and I with a question about presence when we were discussing our piece, which is basically all about Twitter.

Twitter is an amazing tool for connecting people and sharing ideas, occurrences, digital resources and distractions. Like all social networking sites it brings people together. By bringing people together, it can allow for a digital presence within the web of connections among those sharing common interests—followers, hashtags, etc. I would never participate in #engchat or #edchat in person, but through the use of Twitter I can be present there through my participation.

But Twitter can also pull people apart. In moments when people become distracted by checking their tweet stream, or when people attempt to record or document the moment, they are immediately pulled away from their current situation—a lecture, discussion, or baseball game. The physical presence may be enjoying the view at Kauffmann Stadium, and the hot dog may be great, but when I stop to pull out my phone, take a picture of my vantage point, and write something interesting or alluring so that my followers will want to check the tweetphoto, I’m no longer mentally present and engaged in what is happening at the game. I’m engaging in activity on that digital web of connected individuals, most or all who aren’t present at the game, thus the tweet.

So tonight, there were a few times when I checked my tweet stream while listening to a friend tell her story. Honest assessment of that: rude. I no longer was fully engaged as a listener; I did listen to her story as I read the new tweets coming in. Still rude. I didn’t send any tweets, but still I was not fully present in the moment/situation because I chose to move my presence to a digital one.

So, is it true that I can’t be present in both places? Could Twitter be pulling me away from more meaningful conversations and connections, rather than helping me establish far-fetched and far-flung ones? I don’t know that answer to that question, but it is one that I want to explore.

support and rap music

Support.

It’s a simple word that shouldn’t be underestimated.

First, a few questions:
How do I support those around me?
Do I support my friends in their interests, hobbies, jobs, beliefs?
Do I support my coworkers in their responsibilities?
Do I support my students in their learning?
Do I support exploration and discovery in those around me?

I used to think of myself as a helper, or a servant. I thought of this role as the best in the kingdom. Matthew 20:26 claims “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant.” In “I’ve Got a Thing About Seeing My Grandson Grow Old” Cat Stevens sings “Even sweep the roads to be there.” I always took this line and reinterpreted it my own way: I would sweep the streets to be in heaven. I would be a servant in heaven, sweeping the streets, as long as I was there.

Well, I still want to be a helper and a servant, but beyond that I want to support people in their own ventures. This makes me think of the saying: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” I like the idea of giving a man a fish, of providing what someone needs. But it would be much better to teach a man to fish, to support someone in their venture to provide for themselves.

Now, a few statements:
I want to support those around me in exploring their interests.
I want to support those around me by helping them find a focus.
I want to support those around me by advocating for them when they are misinterpreted or marginalized.
I want to support those around me when they are discouraged by obstacles or failures.



And on an unrelated note:

I like rap music a lot. Some of it is absolutely beautiful. I’m not thinking analytically right now, or I would probably start counting the syllables and examining the internal rhyme. Right now, I’m just enjoying the awesomeness of this verse. I’ve listened to it four times in a row, and now I think I’ll start the whole song over for number five. I hope you can enjoy something as much as I enjoy this.

Verse 4 – Eminem, in “Forever” by Drake, featuring Kanye West, Lil’ Wayne, and Eminem

There they go, back in stadiums as Shady spits his flow Nuts
they go, macadamian, they go so ballistic whoa
We can make them look like Bozos
He's wonderin' if he should spit this slow

Fuck no! Go for broke
His cup just runneth over, oh no
He aint had a real buzz like this
since the last time he overdosed
They've been waiting patiently for
Pinocchio to poke his nose

Back into the game and they know
Rap will never be the same as before
Bashin' in the brains of these hoes
And establishin a name as he goes

The passion and the flame is ignited
You can't put it out once we light it
This shit is exactly what the fuck
that I'm talking about when we riot

You dealin' with a few true villians
Who stand inside of the booth truth spillin'
And spit true feelings until our tooth fillings
Come flying up out of our mouths, now rewind it!

Payback muthafucka for the way that you got at me
So how's it taste? When I slap the taste outta your mouth
With the bass so loud that it shakes the place

I'm Hannibal Lecter, so just incase
You was thinkin of savin face
You aint gonna have no face to save
By the time I'm through with this place, so Drake