National Day on Writing - a few minutes late

I’ve been sitting on this for a while, and haven’t posted it because I’m a bit timid. I’m a Christian. There’s nothing that I think more about than Biblical literature, interpretation, and application. But this subject is a bit different than anything else I’ve written about, so expanding into new territory isn’t easy. I figured today, on the National Day on Writing, I would be adventurous.

Four weeks ago I started going to an old school, proper Sunday School at Jefferson Avenue Baptist Church where a friend of mine leads the class. They started a series on the book of Philippians, which is one of my favorite books in the Bible, so I decided I would try it out.

The study started out by looking at Philippians 1:1-26. I was surprised by the idea of Christ’s work in Christians as a process. This is something that had occurred to me, but never quite so explicitly from the Bible. Personally, I had grown weary by the idea that when one “becomes a Christian” everything changes. We are physical beings, with urges and impulses and drives that become so ingrained within us that they become almost impossible to break—almost. But through the work of Christ, over time, change occurs. I think it’s pretty cool, even if it is a little crazy.

The verses that stand out to me, that encourage me in my thinking are Philippians 1:4-6, and 9-11.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Later, after confessing his desire for death more than life and pleading with the Philippians to have the same attitude as Christ, he persists in his emphasis on process oriented Christianity in 2:12-13.

Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Now, chapter 3 of Philippians is probably my favorite chapter in the entire Bible, and in this chapter, specifically verse 12, Paul looks toward his goal and realizes he has far to go.

Not that I have already obtained all this*, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 

*This refers to verses 8-11.

Paul is a man who, if we believe the Bible, heard and saw a blinding vision of the Lord, and this experience transformed him in an amazing way—he stopped persecuting the Church and Christians, became a Christian himself and was himself persecuted. But still this transformation was not absolute or complete. Paul uses words and phrases to represent a process or journey oriented life in Christ. This often is not what is represented in the modern Church, and often not what is presented by Christians as they live their lives. Often I have encountered a Christianity of immediacy and perfectionism, and experienced nothing but a stifling mood. According to Paul, and his letter to the Philippians, this should not be. Why not approach life in Christ as a journey in coming to know Him more? Why not approach living as a Christian as a process in coming to know Christ more, and allowing that experience to change oneself? 

The Sunday School class was really fun for me to attend. It was good to meet some new people, and experience a new a different church experience apart from the one I’ve had for the past nine years. It’s always good to be challenged in my thinking, and I’m grateful that I’ve been exposed to new ways of reading one of my favorite texts. 

write now

Another week has gone by without posting to the blog. Some days I haven't even written. I've had meetings, classes, conversations that have been positive and productive--and those are understatements. I've actually written two posts this week, but I didn't publish them; I couldn't convince myself to. I'm still thinking; I'm still considering and contemplating. A lot is going on--in my life, at home, at school, and consequentially in my brain. It's more to process than I want to put out there, but I still feel to push to put it out there. I'm getting more and more scared about sharing though.

These are my thoughts today, October 15, 2010, during third period, 10:23 am CDT.

education reform

Tavis Smiley, in his show with Geoffrey Canada, CEO of Harlem’s Children Zone, and Davis Guggenheim, director of Waiting for Superman:

Some of this Geoffrey, you came out of the classroom, before you were running a school you were a teacher. Some of this to me, I think words have meaning, I think language is important. I want to be frank about this, this term “Race to the Top” which is this administration’s approach to this. This term “Race to the Top” disturbs me. One, education, pardon my English, ain’t a race. It’s not a race; it’s a guarantee. Every kid in this country ought to have access to an equal high quality education. The very notion of a race to the top means by definition that somebody’s going to win, somebody’s going to lose, if it’s a race. I don’t understand how we’re going about solving the problem starting with the language and the process itself.

I really enjoy the fact that Tavis Smiley, (1) let’s his feelings be known, and (2) challenges his guests. It makes me happy that these things happen, but truthfully, in these situations, as a good host, he offers his guests the opportunity to rebut his statement and make their argument stronger.

I haven’t seen Waiting for Superman. Much, if not all, that I’ve heard from the really good teachers that I am connected to, the classroom teachers who spend much more than 8 hours a day dedicated to their craft, their students, their community, is negative. I don’t recall a single one talking about the positive movement that could come to education with this movie. I’ve heard positive publicity from Oprah and NBC’s Education Nation, both of whom are absolutely massive movers of misinformation and superficial thinking.

I also haven’t seen Race to Nowhere, a movie also about education reform. I haven’t heard much about it either, from the classroom teachers or from the media hype machine. I may not see either, simply because I fear being emotionally worked up without being able to respond intellectually. I’m a whole lot more likely to react out of irrationality and anger rather than respond after deep thought. (That’s something that I’m actually working on here.)

So how do I respond to this situation? I don’t know. Mostly what I notice is that the teachers in my school, the smallest building in our district, far on the outskirts of the city, don’t seem to be aware of some of these issues. Truthfully, I need to be more aware of the local issues that are present within our district and city, while I also want the teachers in my small school to be aware of these larger issues that seem to be setting fire to large cities that eventually may affect our small school.

On a barely related note, these are the things I’ve learned about Davis Guggenheim from his Wikipedia entry, in no particular order: he's married to Elisabeth Shue, who's been "hot" since Karate Kid; he was born in St. Louis, MO; he directed and produced An Inconvenient Truth, also a fairly provocative documentary; "he directed Barack Obama's biographical film, which aired during the Democratic National Convention;" he directed It Might Get Loud, a really cool documentary about the electric guitar, told from Jack White, the Edge, and Jimmy Page, and given to me by my brother; and he was an executive producer of the movie Training Day, a movie which scared me in its fierceness and brutality. 

newspaper

I'm trying to get things going with the school newspaper. I really don't have a plan other than creating a space and a time for the kids to write about what they want, create something that they want, and to put it out for the school. There are some things that do "need" to happen. That need extends from my perception of what the other teachers expect. Certainly there are comparisons all the time, statements regarding how things are and how things were, and judgments made about each. I'm competitive by nature, and I don't want to hear something negative about my work. I want to do a good job. I would gladly accept someone pointing out faults or shortcomings of the newspaper, while also telling me what they think could/should go in there; I wouldn't accept the murmurings and whispers about the faults and shortcomings. More than anything, I want to listen to the students and what they want in the newspaper. I want to get them writing, creating, editing. That was the most fun time today, turning them loose on the computers with "assignments" that they chose or they created, and seeing them go to work. They encouraged one another; they challenged one another. It was a really fun experience. I'll be having that time and space available every Wednesday--whoever wants to come is welcome. I think that'll create something really, really cool. And I believe that will make my job better, meaning more enjoyable, and I think it will make PV a better place. I've got to believe it, otherwise I'm not sure I have a reason for doing it.

25 words

Sara jumped right in to the 25 word story hashtag on twitter, and I am totally jealous of her writing ability. I wish I was that creative and that crafty with words. I've been thinking and composing for some time with a 25 word story in mind, but I'm not courageous enough to post to twitter. So here, tonight, I'm cranking through some stories. Maybe I'll grow more confident as I continue to try, and actually publish them.

Story: It wasn’t just sillybandz arrayed across her desk, it was also her hope for a future: an airplane, the sun, seashells, high heals, a sailboat.

Memoir: One image from my evening: sitting cross legged in my living room, munching on corn-on-the-cob, watching soccer, and monitoring the tweet stream. 

Story: It wasn’t the sourness of the pickle that caused her face to screw-up. He did really just say, “I think I shat my pants.”

Memoir: Size fourteens are strewn about in every room of the house, testimony to tired feet and lazy legs. Exhaustion means I can fall asleep anywhere.

Story: She couldn’t understand the words he chose. She knew it was coming. She actually thought she felt the same. But his words left her unsettled.

Story: Her back was turned and no one else would tell. They quickly exchanged papers. This time, he got the A and she got the D.

Story: He wouldn’t call it greed, poor judgment, or dishonesty. He would call it bad luck or blame it on someone else. He would never learn.

I think I'm going to try this out with my students. I've done $2 summaries, where every word "cost" 10 cents, so they basically have 20 words to write a summary of the learning for the day. But a 25 word story is challenging because they've got to be creative with the language, not just summarize. I guess I think both activities are good for being precise in the use of language--summarizing is an important skill, but so is telling a story.

it's been a while

It's been a while since I've stayed up until 1:00 am and enjoyed it, but today is different. The work has been worthwhile, the reading meaningful, and the conversations rich.

Thanks for that, friends and neighbors. Without you, the work would be scattered, the readings uneventful, and there would be no conversation. So, again, I say, thank you.  

what a long week

It’s been a full week for me, and it’s time to do some intentional reflection. I need to learn from this, and I need to document it so that I don’t forget.

1. Went back to the doctor on Monday. I don’t have a bug, or an infection. I don’t have celiac disease. So they’re going with severe anxiety disorder. We’re going to try Paxil (an SSRI, and the fifth or sixth medication since I’ve started this ordeal) and a behavioral therapist (read: psychiatrist). This is why they say doctors practice medicine.

Honestly, I was scared of this. I guess I was scared of anything though, really. If I’m going to admit my circumstance, I’m going to admit my reaction to it. I want an easy answer. I want them to tell me nothing is wrong with me, and that I can go home with no worries. I don’t want to deal with this stuff—fear about how things will go, unsure of my responsibilities or abilities, and the accompanying physical manifestations of those anxieties. I want to feel young, to be confident, to not have any worries. I want to be a good teacher, to be a good teacher-leader, to be a good steward of the things I have. I want to be healthy. OK—that’s enough of that.

2. Wednesday we had a follow-up to our OWP Teacher Inquiry Institute. Keri and I met on Tuesday to go over the agenda and plans. We were rather unfocused, mostly because I’m weighed down by other things on my mind. We’re two extraordinarily busy people. Here I’ll speak for myself: I’m not great at being very disciplined in how I use my time. I want to do this, and I want to do that. But what I get done is only a fraction of my original intent. This was the case on Tuesday night.

Wednesday night was a bit hectic because of school and computer issues and things never quite going as planned. (See previous paragraph.) But we had a great dinner from Pickleman’s, which was delivered and made things oh-so-much-easier on Keri and I (and hopefully the participants) and then we dove right in to our inquiry. It was then that I was reminded of why I am a part of the NWP and work so hard for the OWP. It’s all about the people.

Gathered together were 15 teachers hell-bent on figuring out ways to do their job better, ways to serve their students and their communities better. Some drove more than 2 hours to be there. These teachers ask questions of their practice, ask questions of themselves, seek out relevant research regarding their questions, and collaborate with other teachers in order to look with new eyes and to be challenged in their thinking. It’s a huge pleasure and privilege to work alongside them.

We’ll be meeting together in October, have an online meeting in November, and then meet in December to have preliminary reports to share. I’m really looking forward to being a thinking partner with these teachers more throughout the semester. I’m really looking forward to reading and hearing their findings in December. And I’m hoping we can compile those findings and share them online, even if simply through Google Docs.

My big epiphany for the evening was in participating in the protocol with Casey and Keri. Keri and I are the facilitators, and we aren’t necessarily doing an inquiry project, although we are. Mine consisted of my autoethnography, which I wrote during the summer. That is finished now, so honestly I feel like I’m off the hook and free to simply be a thinking partner and witness to the amazing learning that is happening. Keri is leading the research portion of the LSRI VI grant that the OWP received for the professional development partnership we now have with SPS. Anway, Casey and Keri basically cornered me and told me to go through the protocol with them, even though I had nothing on my mind. I begrudgingly acquiesced to their requests, and fumbled through my perceived problem—immature male students with little-to-no self-awareness or regard-for-others as human beings (in a social setting) which, in my mind, carries over into their writing, leading them to have little-to-no concept of the importance of audience and purpose when writing. It was ugly (my protocol attempt), and it reinforced an idea that I think I already knew.

I’m a thinker, but not an “out loud thinker.” I don’t process with others until I’ve spent a lot of time with an issue. I think Keri has a minor understanding of this about me, but I think many of my OWP colleagues don’t quite understand that all that talking that they may do to work through or into an issue isn’t something that I do. If I’m talking, I’ve probably spent hours thinking about something in my head. I don’t want this to be perceived as good or better, or right or wrong. It’s just how I am. My father is the same way. He often talks to himself, but not audibly, as he considers scenarios and situations and possibilities. We catch him deep in thought, mouth jabbering away, ignorant of our presence, processing something. I’m very much the same way, but more often than not I talk out loud to myself. It’s an advantage of living alone.

Wednesday night, having to talk my thoughts out, without having them fully formed, was really uncomfortable for me. I could have written them and shared them with Casey and Keri and felt much more comfortable. But that wasn’t an option. I guess that’s just an indicator of my personal preference, my desire for independence and isolation. Maybe not.

3. Thursday night was Open House at school. Usually this is something that would make me nervous—sweaty palms, dry mouth, rushing around to get crap put up on the walls and make the classroom look really nice. Not this time. I had some pictures I printed with the classroom laser printer (cheap looking, black and white) with some captions I wrote in red and blue Sharpie. I logged on to a few computers and pulled up the class website and the class wiki, and I put out some textbooks (which we don’t use) and Haroun and the Sea of Stories (which I’m reading to the class). That’s it.

Somehow I wasn’t worked up about this. I wasn’t worried. Maybe the Paxil is working already, but I don’t think so. It was great to meet the parents, to put faces with names and to make connections in meaningful ways. It was neat to see the students showing off their classrooms to the parents. It was fun to see the parents look in wonder at all the computers.

Several specific points stand out to me from the night. The first is testimony to what we do as teachers in the 8^th grade at PV. Several former students came back to visit the 8^th grade teachers, and all of them made comments about going to school without computers and how odd it was at first. They talked about having to go to a computer lab, and how the concept seemed so weird to them. They even shared how the teacher was giving them instructions on how to do certain things on the computer, and a girl asked, “Why are you going over this, doesn’t everyone know it already?” without realizing that many of the students in the high school did not go to PV and did not have the luxury of eMINTS computers and experience on the computers. This made me really, really, really happy (for my students). It validated the work that we do on a daily basis, and the work we do in the summer to make sure the tools we do have are functioning well. I think this is also testimony to the fact that exposure to and experience with technology (computers, digital cameras, recorders, etc.) and in a constructivist/project based learning environment gives our students a huge advantage over those without the same exposure and experiences. That should be rather obvious though, I think. 

The second is a sad fact. So often I met parents with different last names, or grandparents caring for children. It makes me really sad for the kids. It makes me wonder what life would be like it these kids had two parents in the home who both valued education and both spent time investing in their kids’ lives. It made me think that teachers and administrators and politicians wouldn’t have to be arguing about education reform, because a lot of that stuff would take care of itself.

4. Today was the Summer Institute Renewal. Keri talked quite often about this being a beginning, rather than an ending. This seemed like a really great thought, because as the OWP grows, we need more and more teachers to take leadership roles. How we accomplish this is my big question.

I didn’t really have anything to do with the planning of the event, so it was refreshing to walk in and simply take instructions about what to do and when to do it. I must admit though that I was a bit worried about how things were going to turn out, even though I do have faith and trust in my fellow teachers, and believe that there are few things better than getting motivated teachers together in the same room. When that happens, good things will happen, even without plans. But plans we did have—writing, sharing, more writing, more sharing.

It was an amazing and wonderful day. Teachers came together to show off what they had done in their classrooms early on in the year. Some brought student work. Some shared stories. We listened. We laughed. We asked one another challenging questions and shared our own learning from previous/similar experiences.

I was struck on several occasions by the potential for wonderfully instructive vignettes to be written by these teachers. Sara Allen has made huge strides with students as they free write in her 5^th grade class. Art Daniels is using journaling in response to deep questions in his Biology class. Tanya Hannaford is experiencing a change since she’s begun to write alongside her students, rather than offering her own model text written ahead of time. Sarah Keeth has been validated as a teacher through the collaboration of the OWP, and is seeking out a book study group and/or writing group. Betsy McQueen is leading elementary teachers in their PLC, and through their experiences, the classrooms in her building are changing.

I finished the day so happy. The Summer Institute could have been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Really. But now I look back and see how teachers have been changed, and learning within the classroom has been changed because writing has been introduced and used and taught in so many different, promising ways. I’m energized because of this. Truthfully, more than anything else, I want to continue serving these teachers. I want to continue to offer space and time for collaboration. I want to get the good word out to their principals and administrators about what they’re doing and how amazing it is. I want to continue to be a part of something that may not be huge, but is making a huge difference in the classrooms across southwest Missouri.

I know that’s several poorly written sentences all in a row, but it’s my thinking. Thanks for listening, if you’ve made it through all that. 

Tucker the Trucker

I started class today with the "Tucker the Trucker" sentence combining activity. Here's the scenario:

1 - write the following four sentences on the board: Tucker is a trucker. He is from Winnemucca. He is stuck in the muck. He is out of luck.  

2 - have someone combine the sentences as the model sentence (in this case it was my Assistant Principal, who's in her first year at the school)

3 - challenge the students to combine the sentences themselves; if anyone gets it exactly right they win a prize (in this case $5)

I did this with four separate classes, approximately 120 students total, and only one kid came close. And that's because he cheated with a student from an earlier class. The cool thing about it all: when I approached the AP about doing this she was in a huge hurry, which is how she basically walks the halls everyday. Well, she started to write a sentence, then scratched it out. Then she wrote a sentence and didn't like it. So she wrote another sentence. After rereading and thinking, she decided on the second sentence. Pretty awesome. She was thinking, revising, editing, and doing so in a way that it was transparent because the students got to see it all. It provided a great example of what writers do.

It is a fun challenge. It got the kids thinking. I'll be trying things like this just about every Tuesday, before we go to the Library. And now, after a good day like today, I've got to say that Tuesdays could be one of my favorite days as a teacher. It's days when I chunk the material down: 8 minutes max for intro activity--something quick like "Tucker the Trucker" or a similar sentence level writing activity; to the Library for information about new books, new reads, and for the students to check out books and read; discussion time about your books interspersed; return to class for a closer--could be anything, today it was updates on writing contests and outside publishing opportunities, and games of Free Rice.

I've got to say a huge thank you to Julie Sheerman for introducing me to the "Tucker the Trucker" activity, and to Julie Mahaffey who is our school librarian and works amazingly hard to make sure that the library offers lots of different books for our kids. They're both awesome people, and in a time when I'm beginning to feel isolated in my classroom, I know that I am nothing without the awesome support around me.

PS - I'm trying to get into reading more of the yalit stuff, so I'm reading Meg Cabot's Pants on Fire, and it's pretty much hilarious simply for the front and back cover picture, but it creates opportunities for discussion with the kids, even more so than when they see me reading my own books (I'm currently still trying to finish Zeitoun and How Soccer Explain the World).

it was a good day

Well, I'm extremely tired, so as has become my custom, I'm going to keep this short.

1. School went well. Lots of different short activities. Talked symbolism in Haroun and the Sea of Stories; heard from the kids about their own ideas. My favorite interaction: Student 1: "Are turtle doves a symbol of anything, Mr. Maerke" Me: "I don't know. Why don't you use the computer to see if you can find an answer." Student 1: "Sweet." Students 2, 3, 4: "Hey, can I look up something too?" Me: "Is it about symbolism?" Students 2 and 4: "Yes." Student 3: "Uh, nope." Me: "Yes and yes. What are you looking up?" "Student 2: "What time the Chiefs' game starts tonite." Me: "Nope." Student 1: "Hey, 2 turtle doves from the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song represents the Old and the New Testaments from the Bible. I found a site that tells about everything. The five golden rings isn't about rings at all, it's about the first five books of the Bible." Student 12: "What's with the Bible?"

2. Exploratory even went well today. We read. We watched a video of Irving Roth's testimony. We even watched Channel One. They're getting the hang of things. Good thing, because it's the fourth week of school. Tomorrow we respond to the video on the wiki. I'm excited.

3. After school I did my best to get organized. I'm not great at that, but I tried.

4. I met with Lisa and Sarah about their experiences in Berkeley with the NWP MAKE initiative. They had some really cool stories to tell, and I loved hearing them. I'm hoping that experience really was a positive one for them, and helps them find a niche. We talked quite a bit about a mini-grant for the site. I don't even know if a mini-grant is necessary, but it sounds like they're going to spend some time working one up. When I heard what they were doing I was really excited. It sounds amazing and wonderful and I'm totally jealous of their experiences.

5. At the meeting with Lisa and Sarah, at Panera Bread on N. Kansas Expressway, I saw a former student and his mom. It wasn't a pleasant meeting because none of our meetings when I had the student in my classes were pleasant. All are unfortunate.

6. I could have gotten more grading done than I did, but I'm totally ok with out it. It'll get done.

eating

I just want to go on the record and say that of all the stuff I expected from the future, and particularly the 21st Century (moon boots, flying cars, even bigger and cooler hair, clothes that clean themselves), I really really really want smaller, faster, healthier meals.


Yesterday I kept forgetting that I was either making food or supposed to be eating the food. This meant that I had to continually reheat and reheat. Today I’m taking the easy route and just doing the microwave thing, but I keep having to get up from my desk to fiddle with some meal as it spins in that radioactive box we somehow believe makes our life better by making our food hotter faster. Truly, eating is a distraction for me. I enjoy getting to do it when I’m with friends. It can be a good experience when the food is good, but most of the time my life is interrupted by the need to eat. And I don’t like that.

Yesterday I kept having to stop cleaning or writing to eat. Today I’m continually stopping my writing to eat. And now I’ve stopped my regularly scheduled writing to write this, about how much eating frustrates me sometimes. How is it possible that something my body absolutely needs has become an aggravation?

3 thoughts from today

1. Today, at school, I slept for about 1.5 hours on a couch in a closet. It was awesome. I wish I could do that more.

2. It seems that, regardless of how much I comfort myself with food--today it was a smoothie from Cold Stone Creamery, chicken and potato soup (that I made with Kristin), Triscuit, Oreos--I still somehow lose weight. Maybe I do have a worm or a parasite.

3. I'm not a good leader; I'm just a good doer that occasionally does things well enough for people to appreciate and attempt to emulate. I wish I were more transparent in my thoughts (that might be scary) and actions, so that I really could be replaceable. I've always thought of that as the best indicator of good leadership. I like to ask myself the question: how fast I could be replaced by someone I've led? If I'm not replaced, and the job goes undone--like middle school soccer at Pleasant View--then I've been more negative than positive. If the outcome reveals that people were totally dependent upon me, then I've done the opposite of leadership. If I'm replaced easily, and the transition is smooth, then I've done a good job. But I don't have any examples of that right now, so I'm back where I began: I'm not a good leader.

new school year

I'm pretty sure I'm one or two days away from making the couch my permanent bed, as I've done the past few years. I was really hoping that I might be able to make my way to the bed every night, but the truth is, it's a whole lot easier to simply stretch out on the couch and fall asleep. When I do 80% of my work on the couch, it's not hard to make that transition.

bitterness

I sat through church, and a sermon on Bitterness from Ephesians 4:31-32, and thought to myself, "I'm really not the type of person who is bitter about anything." And part of me was quite doubtful of that statement. Why would I not be a bitter person? Am I really not bitter? I kept trying to think of things about which I might be bitter. I'm not even bitter at Matt Clopine, who I once got in a fight with and who broke my nose in that fight. I may be bitter against the United States Postal Service for losing a bunch of my books and shoes and work for my Masters degree, but now that I wrote something completely different and have finished my Masters, I'm pretty sure I'm over it. I'm pretty sure I'm not even bitter against the people at KSPR Weather for trying to get my fired because I didn't like how they kept cutting in to the World Cup Final; that's more embarrassing for me than anything--more of a reminder of my stupidity. So, am I really not bitter?

Soon after church I found myself in my car, attempting to drive somewhere. It doesn't take long for me to be completely set off because of bad driving. And that's when I realized it. I'm bitter against stupid drivers. I hate it when people drive with no intentionality. It's like people in the midwest really are just out for a drive. They have no where to go, but they drive around for the fun of it. They don't care about the environment. They don't care about oil consumption. They don't even care about the other drivers on the road who actually may have somewhere to go. It's maddening. It's enough to make someone bitter.

perspective

Yesterday, while flipping through students' binders to check their Reading Records, I realized that I had made a pretty big mistake. Students must read at least 6 books per quarter, 24 books per year. I read one book aloud to them, Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie, and the rest is up to them. We go to the library every Tuesday so that they can check new books out. I try to develop an atmosphere where reading is understood as at independent way to learn and grow as a human being. I also emphasize to the students that their interests will dictate much of what they do for the rest of their lives, so they should read about what interests them. It sounds simple, but with reluctant readers it can be very tough. And it's a constant job of making sure that students have books that are engaging to them. But it is so rewarding when they have conversations about the good books that they are reading. When students gather around the stacks in the library, or sit at tables and pass books and tell one another about what's going on, talking about characters like they're real people, or share insight in Science or Social Studies from something they read in a nonfiction text, it makes the constant effort worthwhile.

Well, the students must keep a Reading Record to keep track of all the books that they read, even the ones they don't finish. Students must keep records of the genre, total pages, lexile level, and the date finished or date abandoned. Students must all use MLA citation format for documenting the other pertinent details of the book (author, title, publisher, etc.). This seems like a whole bunch of crap to keep track of as a reader. No adult reader keeps track of this stuff, so why should my students? Well, that's a great question. I want my students to learn about themselves as readers--what genres they like and dislike, how much they are reading over time, and what level of the books they are reading (although I'm not too hip on the whole lexile thing to begin with). I also want my students to be be familiar with and practiced in using MLA citation; they'll be using it my class, in Social Studies, in Science, and all through high school.

My problem is one of perspective. I have the perspective of one who has experienced much in the way of education, and I have all these thoughts in my mind. My students obviously don't see things the way I do, and don't find keeping these records important. I've talked to them about why we keep track of the genre, page numbers, and date finished or date abandoned, but not about lexile levels or MLA citations. And what do you know? The biggest problem I'm seeing in the students Reading Records is in the lexile level and MLA citation documentation. Where I have not explained the importance of the documentation, the documentation suffers. That makes too much sense.

So on Tuesday, after we come back from the library, we'll not only be going over how to cite some different books using the MLA standards, but we'll also be talking about why citations are important in the first place. I really hope that leads to a discussion about copy right laws, especially those affecting music and movies, but even getting into things like intellectual property and things like the borrowing of html code.

And in unrelated news:
I was on a walk today. It's something I'd like to make a routine on Saturdays: take a walk to refresh my mind and body. Well, as I was walking a group of young guys went riding by on their bikes. The last one turned as he passed me and did a double-take. Then he slammed on his breaks, almost making him fall, and asking, "Mr. Maerke, is that you?" This was one of my students from my first year of teaching at Cherokee Middle School. He's a senior now, if my math is right and his grades are right, but who knows. The kid's about 6'3" now, tall and lanky just like the way he was in 8th grade. He was one of my brightest students, but never quite did well in any of his classes. As he's riding away, he turns and says to me, "Oh, I'm probably going to be a teacher." It completely took me by surprise. Here's a kid who figured out how to game the system. He was smart enough to get by without doing much, and was clever enough to figure out where the line was with each teacher, and made sure not to cross it. This meant that, although he could have had straight A's in all of his classes, he got C's and D's and made sure he had a good time doing it. 


Seeing former students is always fun, and this encounter especially, because of what happened at school yesterday. An especially challenging student, who had a long list of problems through 6th and 7th grade is starting out on a poor note in 8th grade. This student is also very bright, and has great potential, but he needs to make better decisions. I flat out told him this in last period on Friday. I told him that even if he got very little from my English class, when it comes to reading and writing, if I could help him understand the importance of making better decisions--first of all being considerate of and to others--then I would be pleased that he learned something this year. And I mean that. Yes, teaching reading and writing is why I collect a pay check from SPS, but students are why I choose to do it. Working with them is my passion and pride. Running into them years later, seeing them as more mature young men and women, who have gained perspective, is a great joy. 

scratchy and twitchy

That's the way I feel when I don't take my new medication. My head itches. My shoulders ache. I want to run.

I think I'm going to get a hair cut tomorrow. And tomorrow, I will write about the need for making things important. When things are important, people care. When I'm able to show the importance of a lesson, students pay attention and care.

More to come tomorrow.

from yesterday, and today, so I'm counting this one twice

I really like writing with pen and paper. Pencil and paper is nice, but I like pen and paper more. Typing is good, but I spend so much time on a computer during the day, that when I pull it out I can't help but open email, and twitter, and Google Reader, and check the OWP Ning. All of that feels like work. Lately, when I sit with pen and a notebook and write on paper, I can almost feel like I'm flying. That’s totally cliché and junior high, but it’s true. I'm becoming a writer; writing something that I want to do on a regular basis. It's something that, when presented with a new scenario or a problem, I want to do to sort out my thoughts.


Yesterday, after school, I went to MSU for an OWP meeting. It was nice to see people, and we really needed to get some work done. It was raining pretty good on my way in to Siceluff, so I didn't bring my computer in. (And I really didn't want to because then I would be more distracted and it would feel more like work). After sitting down at the table and reconnecting with everyone using our talking stick, I started to write, unprovoked. That's something that rarely happens. But now, as I'm writing every day, I'm looking for things to write about, and I'm finding things that I want to write about even when I don't have time.

I began writing about ironing. It's something that I've wanted to write about for some time, but just haven't. Below is not the exact version that I wrote, because I did go through and edit, but I actually told myself, as I was writing, that I would go through and edit. It's cliché filled and lousy, but I hope you enjoy.

Ironing.
It presses out the creases. It gets out the wrinkles.


It’s a great way to start a day. I do it to cleanse my mind. When I “press” my shirts I can feel my tightened mind loosen. I prepare myself for work by making myself “look sharp”—as my father might say. I act to stop the grind while somehow participating in the grind: I must iron my pants and shirts every morning; it is part of the routine. But somehow it is apart from all the rest of it.


Ironing comes after I read and journal and pray. That is a two-part intentional choice. I don’t want to sit down and wrinkle my newly crisp clothes. Sometimes I don’t want to read and journal and pray, but I force myself to do it, even when I’m running late. The intent is to prepare myself for the day—mentally and spiritually. The outcome is usually a desire for more time to sit and be quiet before my Creator. It’s then, in my morning routine, that I rise to iron out the wrinkles from my clothes. It is then that I feel my muscles begin to relax, and my mind grow at ease with the plans for the day. Yes, there is much to do, but with the right combination, anything is possible.


When I walk out of my study, where I iron, I walk out a neatly dressed, new man. I walk out armed to take on the day. There’s a mental shift that takes place, a loosening of the anxious bonds that rush me from shower to shave to shake to vitamins to _______________.


I don’t know why or how or when it happened, but I love ironing in the morning.

stream of consciousness

What’s on my mind?

Sometimes I do just want my students to listen.

I like being surprised by my students, but not when they say something vulgar or they hit someone. I know it happens, but I figured they might try to hide it at least a little bit. Blatant disregard for another really makes me mad. Add pure, narcissistic egotism to the list too. (That’s what my 7th period class feels like).

I’m totally cool with my students when they think outside the box. When I “hand” them the box and they think outside of it, I get excited because then we get to have some fun. Who likes being stuck in a box anyway? Right now, though, when I “hand” them the box, they ignore the box completely and do something completely different. It makes no sense. I don’t understand it. I’ve had 26 students doing a timed focus writing in their Writing Notebooks, and then have 3 guys listening to music on the computers or walking across class to talk to a friend. I could understand drawing, or not writing, or even reading a book.

What has just occurred to me is that I am changing. Dear Lord, please help me to not become “that” teacher. For the most part, I’m cool with students doing a bit of chatting, as long as they whisper and can still do whatever I’m asking of them. Lots of times, that chatter is important for some students to process and think aloud through an assignment. But lately, I’ve noticed that I’m being a bit harsh about every little thing, and that’s just not me. The students need some leeway right now. As I write this, I hate phrases like “whatever I’m asking of them” and “’hand’ them the box.” Why can’t I have my students set their own goals and objectives, and then determine how to meet those goals? Is that doable in a room of 29 to 32 8th graders? Can someone out there tell me?

I want to get to know my students. I want my students to get to know one another. I want my students to work toward independence. When they walk into my class, a structure should be in place that supports their learning, without totally directing it. They determine the direction. Is this possible?

I liken my goal as a reading instructor to that of a connector or a bloodhound. I simply want to connect readers to texts in a meaningful way. Students are given books to read on a regular basis. I don’t want to give anything to anyone; I want to help students find what they’re looking for, even if sometimes they don’t know what they’re looking for. And if I can connect readers with one another in meaningful ways, so that conversations take place, so that questions are raised, so that solutions are sought, then I would be really happy too. I’ve found that, sometimes, in an effort to connect a reader to a text, it is first important to connect the reader to another reader. That added connection sometimes makes the connection to a text easier and stronger at the same time. I’ve used the word sometimes quite a bit, because I’ve also found that there is no absolute when it comes to human beings.

When it comes to my goal as a writing instructor, I’m at a bit of a loss. Basically, I think of writing as a journey on this really long path. When I look at my own path, I see that I was a good writer when I was young, but only when writing essays and arguments. Those were things that I enjoyed engaging in because it was about organization, it was about research and synthesis, it was about reading and learning and then taking that and putting it together to say something meaningful. I’m pretty sure I first learned that when I was in 8th grade and had to write an essay on either The Crucible or Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. I had to write a paper on both of those plays, but I don’t remember which one was in 8th grade. I didn’t quite understand the grammar and sentence level complexities and creativity that is available to writers until I got into college and started taking foreign languages. When I had to break down Greek into phrases and then translate it, I began to gain the ability to think of my writing in English in the same way. So now, often, I’m thinking of English in words and phrases rather than sentences and paragraphs. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to write longer pieces. How does this relate to me as an English/writing teacher? I’m not sure.

When it comes to my writing instruction, I simply want to point the way for those that I teach; I liken myself to Google Maps and Wal-Mart. There are lots of paths that writers can take. They should get to choose. I want to be there to say, “OK, this is where you’re going. Let me show you three ways to get there. You choose which you think is best.” That’s what I want to happen in my classroom. When my students start writing, I want to have a conversation with them that helps them along their way. Whatever tools or supplies they need, I can help them get. Whatever direction they need in how to get there, I can provide. Maybe that is a pretty narcissistic, egotistical thing for me to think, but I guess that’s how I want to think of myself. Maybe it would be a whole lot better if I were able to help them be the Google Maps and Wal-Mart for each other. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that would be much better. First I need to get there though. 

not what I intended

I wrote a bunch with my students today, and some of it was really good. I intended to post that writing here, but I guess that'll have to wait for another time. 

After school though, I had a meeting with the other Comm. Arts teachers in the building. One thing we talked about was assessment. Then I counted, and by my calculations, my group of 8th graders this year will have to take eighteen assessments this year. 

1. Language Arts Performance Series test - September, January, May

2. Reading Performance Series test - September, January, May

3. Science Performance Series test - September, January, May

4. Math Performance Series test - September, January, May

5. District Middle School Writing Assessment - Beginning of Year and End of Year

6. Explore Test - October

7. Communication Arts MAP test - March/April

8. Math MAP test - March/April

9. Science MAP test - March/April

Eighteen. I think I've got them all. If that's not ridiculous, please tell me what it is. 

what a long day

1. Go to Matt's baptism at an Orthodox church. 

2. Eat lunch. 

3. Go to Springfield Cardinals game with Life Group. 

4. Do school stuff.

That was basically my day. It seems really easy to boil it down to a few things. I need to add a few more. 

1A. (before #1) Pick Kristin up from her house.

1C. (after #1, before #2) Relax.

4B. Drop Todd off at his car. 

4C. Shop for groceries. 

4D. Drop Kristin off at home.

4E. Take a nap.

That doesn't seem like very much either. Why am I so tired?

Looking back on the morning, what started out with such wonderful potential was spoiled, and I don't know who to blame it on other than me. Kristin and I weren't quite sure what we were walking into in attending Matt's baptism. I kept thinking that it was going to be something very "Catholic," which I was totally cool with. I've liked attending Catholic mass every since Holy Cross, but I'd never been to an adult baptism. Well, it wasn't "Catholic." It was far from it. 

Our first experience was hilarious. We walked in the door and could immediately tell that it was a Greek Orthodox church. Neither of us had any experience with the liturgy. Kristin texted Matt, and we finally made our way in to meet him and for a quick run-down of what to expect. 

Quickly thereafter there were preparations made and rituals presented prior to the baptism. Three were baptized: a baby girl, Matt, and an older gentleman. The baby was baptized first, and she swallowed quite a bit of water. There were a few tense moments before she would cry after being dunked three times in quick succession. When she did finally cry, there was huge relief from the whole crowd, which maybe numbered about 30. 

Matt was pretty emotional prior to his baptism, and I could tell, even though I had only met the guy that morning, that it meant a lot to him. That was cool to see. After everyone was baptized, the priest offered a short sermon while those baptized changed. There were a few more ritual steps to complete before the process was completed. The priest said something wonderful and almost discouraging, but purposeful in his sermon. He said (and I paraphrase), "I wish I could say that this step means that these three lives are going to be easier from now on. But I can't. Really, it's only the opposite. Life is only going to be more difficult for them. The world is only going to complicate their thinking."

Later in his sermon, during the full liturgy, he reiterated this point. He spoke of a steadfastness of faith, and a new life through baptism. I remember thinking, "I'm not going to come to this church every again, but if this dude was a writer, I would totally read his stuff. I should ask him if he has a blog or a newsletter or something." Something told me that he didn't, so I never asked. 

Anyway, I was really encouraged for the people of the church, and Matt, by knowing that this priest didn't take things easy on them. I go to a different church, and I was a bit nervous walking in those doors this morning. Walking out I was tired and felt a bit pent up (3 hours, full running time; standing and sitting in the same spot the entire time). But whenever I encounter someone who I take as genuine, and who doesn't sugarcoat life, religious or otherwise, I appreciate them. I respect them. I could be totally wrong. The dude could be a complete cheat and liar, but I don't think so. 

So what's the point of all this? Well, the experience got me thinking about a lot of things. But I was so busy with nonstop action that I didn't quite have time to write and process. That's why this time is so important. Writing everyday is helping me process my days, and my thinking. It's helping me see with new eyes the things that I experience through the day. That's pretty important, because when I see with new eyes, and I process the experience, I learn what to do and what not to do. 

I feel like when I process through writing, sometimes the dross rises to the top and sometimes the cream does. Today, I think it's the cream.

sometimes I prefer real paper

Well, here I am again, attempting, one day later, to pass off writing I've done from yesterday. It's true that I love digital. I enjoy the possibilities of composing digitally. It's the connections and adatability that I love so much. But sometimes I just prefer real paper and pencil, which is how I originally wrote this:

One step at a time. It's the name of some cheesy song, I'm sure. But it's what I did today. For seven miles. I got "sick" again yesterday, and had to take my first sick day of the school year. Not cool at all. I was a bit depressed from the whole thing, especially after a long doctor's appointment. So this morning I woke up with intentions of getting mentally right. I figured I would watch some soccer, clean the house, and waste some time on the computer. It would be like most Saturdays. But it wouldn't help me at all mentally. So I walked out the house, and down the road. And I kept walking. 

That almost makes me sound like Forrest Gump, but obviously that's not what I did. But I guess it is kind of what like I did. Except I'm not a fictional character. Anyway, I walked. I talked to myself. I sang to myself. I prayed. I recited poetry and Scripture. I thought about New Orleans and school and girls. I thought about being sick, and how it affects what I can and cannot do. 

After about a mile I thought about not knowing how long I wanted to walk, but also worrying about how long I could walk. I didn't have anything to eat that morning. I drank some water. That's it. I didn't have any money for a stop at a gas station or fast-food restaurant, although I thought about that often too. So I told myself to ignore those desires, because I couldn't fix them, and keep walking. Which is what I did. 

I walked from my house to Close Memorial Park. It is a park that I previously used to frequent on my bike. They've built a new building out there, but it didn't look finished, so I didn't really visit it. I just sat under some trees and checked my phone. It was aggravating to have my phone with me, because I was receiving texts and phone calls from concerned friends. So it was a bit of a distraction to me. But it was also a nice security blanket. 

One step at a time. That's how things are achieved. One day at a time. That's how things are dealt with. I'm of the inclination to want to accomplish something in one fell swoop. I want to deal with things and move on. But often that's not how life works. I'm finding myself in situations that require one step at a time, one day at a time. It's hard for me, who wants to go fast. Really hard. But I'm aware now of the pace. I've reminded myself, and need to continue to remind myself. Maybe through more walks. I know now what it takes, and I'm taking it one step at a time. 

highs and lows and some humanity

highs: 
Yesterday I had a good day at school. In my 7th period class, Holocaust Studies, I talked to the students about why we're actually studying the Holocaust. It's the one time in class when I set aside time for actually talking directly at the students. I never like doing it because the resources of books and videos and websites are much more effective in conveying a message, but on this occasion I had everyone's undivided attention. It was almost fun. The students had many questions, showing they were engaged and thinking about what we're going to spend time studying. 


Then we went to the Library for a book pass. I'd forgotten how cool book passes can be, but was reminded about them this summer at the OWP SI. I do book talks, and have the students do book talks, and see value there, but part of me wants to judge which is more effective at connecting students to books, and that part of me thinks that book passes are better because it puts the books in the hands of the students. But then I think about how book talks give a reader voice, to tell about a book and their experiences in reading, and that is pretty powerful. 


Well, I'm blessed to have a librarian who works really hard to provide the students with amazing books and resources. She really is great. She's written grants every year I've been teaching the class (this will be my 3rd) in order to add to the Holocaust Literature library. So, I worked with her to find a good mix of books and then placed them at different tables. The students (28) sat at different tables, looked at the books in 1 minute cycles, and then passed the books from table to table. It worked out really well. Actually, I wasn't feeling like it was working all that well, because they were pretty talkative and a bit louder than I would have liked, but the cool thing was that they were talking about the books, asking questions to one another, and telling each other about the books they had already read. Because many of the books had pictures, they were also sharing the pictures and captions (learning already). I do have my own supply of books, and two were signed by the authors: Bondi's Brother, by Irving Roth and Edward Roth, was signed by Irving Roth during my attendance at the 2008 Holocaust Educators Network Summer Seminar; Eva's Story, by Eva Schloss with Evelyn Julia Kent, was signed by Eva Schloss for my mother after a lecture at the World War II Museum in New Orleans. The students love looking at and showing off the signatures. 


The most fun moment came during the selection of books. After getting to look at the different books, I had the students rank their top three. I showed off the book, and then had those who wanted it check the book out. The problem came when multiple people wanted a book that we only had one copy of. This turned into a great problem for me to have. Students were competing, making cases, for why they wanted the book more and why they should be the one to get to check it out. It also allowed the Librarian and I to connect students with other, similar books. The experience was a bit wild and frenzied because it was happening at the end of the day and I wanted everyone to get to check out, and it certainly could have gone better if I had maybe 5 more minutes, but that's the way things go. On Monday we'll talk about the reading schedule and they'll get set up with wiki pages to share about their books. I'm really excited, and hope that they keep the enthusiasm. 


lows:
I didn't blog about this experience yesterday, which means that I'm the first to lose out on blogging every day of the school year. Thankfully, Sara is really patient with me. I'm trying to blog from school, before I leave, but things weren't working out for me. I left later than normal, without blogging, and headed over to hang out with Casey and Keri. It had been a while since we've done that, and it was really good for me. Then I forgot to blog.


Then this morning I woke up feeling lousy. I've been dealing with some crazy stomach issues that I won't go into, but I will simply tell that I puked enough this morning to scare me. It wasn't one of those, "I'll-puke-and-feel-better-after" pukes either. This happened as I was going out the door to school, so when I arrived at school I asked the secretary to get me a sub as soon as she could, and she was super nice about everything. THANK YOU, ROBIN! I left school around 8:30 to go home before a 10:30 doctor's appointment--the 3rd in 7 days. Not cool. Running more tests, getting more and more invasive, having more scary conversations; it all left me cold and uncomfortable. I walked out of the doctor's office feeling so lonely and tired that I totally broke down in my car. I wept for at least 10 minutes, not knowing how to feel better, how to be healthy. This totally sucks. I didn't even get to finish my first week of school because of this junk. I'm not happy because I don't feel good, I'm legitimately sick according to the doctor but he can't figure out why, and things are now affecting my job. I hate this. 


So there it is. Sorry I had to lay that out there. It wasn't my original intention for this to be some personal blog, but I'm human. My humanity affects my ability as a teacher.

writing with my students

I wrote with my students today. I vividly remember thinking, as I sat with them at the tables, "This is what I missed yesterday." And I was so right. First period is a bit behind, so I didn't get anything substantive with them, although I did do the Found Poem activity with them. I needed some time to just write, and although we only wrote for 8 minutes, it was good for me and them. Sharing was cool too, but I'll have to put those pictures up on the class website. 

I provided prompts, after we talked about different successful teams. I brought up teams such as the New York Yankees and Chicago Bulls (actual sports teams), as well as Metallica, the New York Fire Department, the design and construction team of Extreme Home Makeover, and those who work at Mission Control at NASA. The students brought up the sports teams at PV, as well as the band there and other bands that they liked a lot. Oddly enough, one student actually brought up the NASDAQ stock exchange and described the traders and everyone on the floor, but I think he was making a connection to NASA and thinking of the NYSE floor. Anyway, below are the prompts.

• What makes a good team?
• When have you enjoyed being on a team? Why?
• What type of a team would you like to be on? Why?

Keri brought up a good point in her response to my previous post. I probably need to probe more specifically regarding the actions of the team and teammates, rather than broadly address "a good team." I will admit that I love language and am very attentive to what I the words I use, but I'm not all that good at asking questions, especially unbiased ones. Sometimes I think that I want a biased question, especially with 8th graders, but other times (like when I'm challenged by Keri) I realize that certain questions elicit certain responses, and that's not necessarily good. So maybe we'll consider actions of a team and teammate--like shared interests in writing specifically with regard to identifying and developing topics/genres to write about/in, peer conferences, sharing work space, publishing and positive feedback. 


I've got a lot to think about, and a lot to consider with my students. Casey and Amy had a really neat Cinchcast about teacher/student feedback with regard to writing, and I think I'll have to relisten to that, and probably bring that question to my students too. 

I'm uninspired

I'm uninspired. I only want to sleep. I've just finished watching a special about the Saints' preseason training camp, and then a documentary, "Jordan Rides the Bus." I'm about to take a sleeping pill in an attempt to pass out.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about September 9. I've been doing a lot of thinking about September 15-17. I haven't been doing enough thinking about today or tomorrow with my kids. That's because I'm being selfish with my own time and doing what I want with it.

Our schedule at school has changed, and honestly I don't even know what it is. We've got a new program for taking attendance and doing grades, and I don't feel comfortable with it. I'm still trying to sort out issues with seating arrangements and seating charts and outlets and space for computers. It's all the tools that I'm trying to use the right way that are somehow distracting me from the real goal, interacting with students in meaningful ways.

I want my students to think deeply this year. I want them to stare off into space, to write in order to process, and to ask questions like, "What about ... " or "What if ... " or "Why don't ... " because I know they're anticipating something, they're thinking ahead and considering the possibilities. I want them to work with their teams to think things through in conversation. I want to trust them enough to allow the conversation to wander just enough to keep things interesting.

Tomorrow, I want to consider what teams look like and how they act together. I want them to tell me about a time when they've been on a successful team--a family that worked well together, a sports team winning a game, a band cranking out an amazing song, a group of friends achieving something totally amazing like scoring the perfect slushies at the gas station on a hot Saturday afternoon. Teams come in all shapes and names, and it's not just sports.

I don't know what I really need to do tomorrow. I left school thinking that I need to tighten up some things, mostly simple procedures like passing papers out, turning things in, dismissing the class, transitions from one thing to another--these things play a huge role in the use of instructional time with any group of learners, let along middle-schoolers. I do have to continue to go over the emergency procedures, because we've got drills coming up on Thursday and Friday. I do want to remind them of little things, like pushing their chairs in when they leave class, and keeping the computers neat with regard to how they leave the keyboard, mouse, and monitor. A lot of that stuff has to do with (1) not being in a rush because your teacher is dismissing you late, and (2) being considerate. Sure, we could ask ourselves the question, "Do we every NOT have time to be considerate?" But I must remember that I'm dealing with students who are 13 and 14 years old.

So, we started the Found Poems in 2, 3, and 4 periods. I'll start it in 1st and finish it in all. I want the students to see what it looks like when they all have voice that is equal, when they all contribute something to a whole that cannot be taken apart. I want to show them how to take the Found Poem, and make a further Found Poem by slashing out or blacking out words. I think that would be a lot of fun. I think it would also be most interesting to ask them about how they chose the words to keep and how they chose the words to toss, and why. If they can address each of those, then the deep thinking is actually happening. I'm pretty sure that thoughtful self-awareness is not 8th graders strong suites.

After the Found Poem, we'll go over emergency procedures, and then talk about being on great teams. And then we'll write. We'll share our stories with our teams, and we'll develop community through it all. I do really want the students to develop an awareness and regard for the theme, which might mean that their attitude changes as well. That would be great.

Until next time, good luck!

this is the definition of mundane

Today I had to get an ultrasound done. I've been having some issues with intense stomach pains, and been really pukey. Last Thursday I went to the doctor and he gave me some prescription, and then he wanted to run more tests. 


I'm convinced doctors approach people the same way mechanics approach cars, the same way "computer guys" approach computer problems, the same way plumbers approach toilets and sinks. They (doctors, if you're not keeping up) don't quite know what it wrong, so they try a bunch of different things out, and each time they can cross something off the list they get closer to making the right diagnosis, or choosing the right answer. This is why the show House is fairly popular: really smart people with problems of their own arguing about what the diagnosis is, and putting patients through the most bizarre tests ever. 


In order for the ultrasound to be effective (they wanted to be able to look at my gallbladder), I had to fast food and drink for 12 hours. The appointment was at 10:45 am this morning; you do the math. So after leaving KK's house at about 10:15, I immediately went to McDonald's (not my first choice, but they were open on a late Sunday night) for two McChicken sandwiches, both of which had more mayonnaise on them than chicken, a small water (free), and a small strawberry-banana smoothie. I wanted to make sure I got some good protein, but also had enough liquids and fruits to carry me over. The meal was ok, except for all the ridiculous mayonnaise, but I reminded myself that it was McDonald's. 


I didn't got to bed until about 12:15, and I was super thirsty. I knew that mentally I was beating myself up over being so thirsty, so I just went to sleep. This super short test was revealing to me how strong my desires were, but also were helpful in reminding me of self-control. 


When I woke up this morning, the small water I had ordered from McDonald's was still on the counter, and sweating. This meant it was still cool. I wanted some water so bad, but I didn't even take the previous prescription the doctor told me to take--I refrained from everything. The temptation was strong, but I reminded myself what I was hoping for, and what I was doing this stupid short fast for. 


I went to school from 7:30-10:00, where I got a lot done, and again was tempted to eat some cheap foods. The PTSA had brought breakfast for the teachers, and were providing us with shirts. I avoided the breakfast time, and didn't go down there until about 9:00. Still, food was on the table and people immediately began asking where I had been. After informing them that I couldn't eat, they played it cool. I was helpful for this. 


The rest of the day was easy. My stomach growled and grumbled all the way up until the appointment. But by the time I had made it to St. John's I was totally fine. I was nervous and scared about the test, and not sure where I was going. That nervousness overpowered any feelings of hunger. The temptation to eat had ended; the temptation to break down out of nervousness took precedence. 


While at St. John's Smith-Glynn-Calloway clinic I realized that I'm not around old people much, and old people creep me out. That's a terrible thing to say, and I realize that. That's why I'm writing it. So I have to process it. Well, none of my grandparents are still alive. I don't have any older friends here in Springfield. I haven't really participated in any outreach to older people, who somehow mostly live in communities in America. I work with young people; hang out with young people; volunteer with young people. I rarely ever see old people. But today, I saw a lot of old people. I had so many thoughts running through my head: "I never want to get old." "I have to stay healthy." "I don't want to look like that." "If I'm lonely at 30, maybe 75 won't be so bad. By then I'll be used to it." "I must stay healthy." And on and on the thoughts ran through my head. I even tweeted about it, which my brother responded to. 


I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe I should seek out interactions with older community members, in the effort to connect with them. They must be fairly wise, with all the age. They must have some really neat stories to tell. I guess I'm scared of sickness and uncleanliness. I need to get over that. I need to realize that old does not mean sick and unclean. The problem is, for so many people, that is what it means. And that sucks. 

an attempt at connecting

I wrote this email today and sent it to all of the 2010 Ozarks Writing Project Summer Institute participants. It was pretty exciting reading Sarah Keeth's blog. Part of what I'm identifying as a desire of mine is connecting people with one another in meaningful ways so that good work can happen. Sometimes people are hesitant to make those connections. Sometimes people don't know that the opportunities are there. Sometimes people think they are the only ones thinking or experiencing "that," whatever "that" is. I want to help people connect to one another. Yep, that's really it. From there, if they're really interested in becoming better people, or better teachers, or better writers, or better learners, or better _______________, then they'll work together.

Margaret Wheatley, in Turning to One Another, says, "When a community of people discovers that they share a concern, change begins. There is no power equal to a community discovering what it cares about." And later, "Somewhere in the description of how it all began is the phrase: 'Some friends and I started talking...'" (p. 26).

I want to connect people, to foster conversations. I guess the email below is one attempt at doing that.

Hello all!

I know that for some the school year has begun, and for others the start is very near. I hope that the experiences from this summer’s SI are fresh in your minds and supporting your plans this year.

With all of the planning and thinking that we do as teachers, we know that things didn’t end on July 9th. I’m looking forward to seeing each of you on September 27th for our renewal, and to hearing wonderful stories of how you are using what you’ve learned in the SI.

The renewal isn’t the only way to stay connected though. Remember the Ning is always a click away. Just today I read Sarah Keeth’s wonderful blog post, “So many ideas… Where do I begin?” and was challenged with each of her points.

I want to use her blog to remind everyone of some things. #5 for Sarah is “to keep communicating with the incredible people.” The Ning is a great way to stay connected. Also, many of you are on Twitter. I recommend we use each of these resources to maintain the connections we developed in the summer.

#6 for Sarah is “I need to keep writing.” I hope each of you feel the same way. I’m so glad that Sarah chose to write and share her thoughts with us. Writing groups would be a wonderful way to keep each other accountable, without big, ugly deadlines. Sara Allen and I have been reminding each other, and checking in on each other, since we’ve begun blogging and writing everyday. Below I’ve listed personal/professional blogs of some involved (and I know that some of you are not going to be happy I’m doing that, but I’m sharing anyway). I would love to help people get connected to develop writing groups by using blogs. And if you need/want help setting up a blog, just let me know. I’ll help with that too.

Sara Allen - http://saraallen91.blogspot.com/
Casey Daugherty - http://journey2learn.blogspot.com/
Cody Walker – http://www.popgunchaos.com/
Keri Franklin - http://writingteacher.blogspot.com/
Thomas Maerke - http://mundanebrain.blogspot.com/

There may be others out there that I’m not remembering. If you do have a blog and want to share, let us know.

Have a great beginning of the year. I look forward to seeing you in September.

We're All on the Same Team

Yes, this is a Verizon commercial, but there are elements that illustrate some of the things we want to achieve this year at Pleasant View. At first, our theme was going to be “We’re All in this Together” but it was decided that this saying could be negative just as much as positive. If we’re all on a sinking ship, we’re all on it together. Pleasant View is not a sinking ship, and we know that, but the theme was changed anyway. Now, our theme is “We’re All on the Same Team.” Teamwork is important in any community hoping to achieve great things. And we hope to achieve great things at Pleasant View this year.

In the commercial, characters mention that they make “communities,” “tomorrow,” and “lives” (among other things) better. How do they do it? They bring together “information,” “people,” “devices,” “machines,” “perspectives,” “expertise,” and “ideas.” Notice that many different things must come together, to work in tandem (or on a team) for one purpose, in order to make even a few things better.

At Pleasant View, and especially on the 8^th grade team, we strive to bring people, perspectives, ideas, information and expertise together. Many times that involves devices and machines available to us through eMINTS. Almost all the time, the devices and machines must come together with the people for the learning community, the lives involved, and our tomorrow, to be better.

I realize this is maybe oversimplifying things, and maybe I’m being a bit clichéd and maybe commercializing education by using Verizon’s commercial, but I think there is a message to be gleaned. I’m looking forward to this coming school year. I’m looking forward to working with new 8^th graders, and helping them connect and collaborate with one another. I’m looking forward to seeing their expertise come out, and for them to share their perspectives and ideas. And I’m looking forward to all of these things making each and every one of us, and our tomorrows, better.

from a phone conversation with my friend Josh

"Maybe this is brokenness."

processing the day

When looked at from afar, I’m not that bad. It’s up close, after getting to know me, and really looking at me, that people most often realize that I’m not all that special. Like the shiny new technology or the cool new toy, at first, I’m appealing. But then the novelty wears off.

This is how I feel today.

This morning, at the SPS district Communication Arts Curriculum Institute—fancy name for 4 hours worth of workshops—I presented twice. First, I shared about Twitter to a small, but very engaging group of teachers. I was told by those in the building (Central High School) that Twitter was available and “open” for use, and that it would be for the workshop, but it wasn’t. This meant that “getting our hands dirty” by making accounts and exploring people to connect to was impossible. Luckily, some brought their smartphones, and were able to set up accounts via their phone, and even download an app for use. In reflection, a huge glitch did occur, but overall I feel like it went amazingly well. Everyone was talking, sharing with one another, asking questions, and I was able to show some really cool stuff. Huge thanks must go to everyone for simply doing your thing on Twitter. I’m really excited about the idea that 12 new teachers in our district will be using Twitter to connect to other teachers and share their own learning and experiences through the medium.

Second, I presented with Keri. Now every time I try to describe this “thing” that we presented on, I have a really difficult time, because I guess I’m not looking at the big picture and I’m more looking at all of the little details. I’m more jumbled, like JFK, rather than specific, like Abe Lincoln. Essentially, the OWP is partnering with SPS regarding assessment driven writing instruction. That’s the best, and simplest way I’ve ever described it. The professional development that we are offering is also part of a research study. Because of the research study aspect, we had to be very careful how we worded things; we could not and cannot be coercive in any way. Basically we tried to describe things in the most wonderful way positive, and hope that people bought in. It’s what teachers do on a regular basis, and it’s not easy.

We’ve invested loads and loads of time and effort into this project already, and we finally were given an opportunity to present our thinking and ideas to the people. It’s kind of like what a teacher does through the year, especially a first year teacher. I remember I spent so much time through the summer, before my first year of teaching, thinking and reading and planning and imagining what things would be like. Then finally, when the day rolled around, very little of it resembled what I imagined. Well, today, some of it did resemble what I imagined, but now, with hindsight, I see that all of our plans, no matter how convincing and worthwhile they seem to me, mean nothing to anyone outside of my own brain.

I was comfortable and relaxed as I sat and talked with the teachers. I didn’t engage them on a personal level enough, I know that and I knew that. Keri is much better at that, and much more intentional about it. I knew that I wasn’t going and meeting them, and engaging them. I did this on purpose, and do this on purpose, and now looking back, maybe it was wrong. I didn’t want to force myself into a conversation, nor did I want to pretend to be interested in some contrived conversation simply because I was there. Also, I know the divide shouldn’t be present, but a divide was present in the room. If you weren’t recognized, then you weren’t really welcomed into the circle. I’m cool with that. In fact, I almost encourage that. And that’s what I need to correct. I’m the type of person that values an atmosphere that drives people together, and I think today, through how things were presented by Denise, that’s what happened. That’s how I read the room, so I didn’t actively engage in conversation.

Maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do. Maybe, as part of this whole “teachers teaching teachers” thing, I should have more intentionally connected to the teachers, introduced myself and met them. Honestly though, if I would have done that, I think I would have felt like a politician, working the crowd and schmoozing. Anyone who knows me knows that that is something I could not do. It is something that I would not do. Even if that isn’t what I would have been doing, the fact is, it’s what I would have felt like I was doing. So I didn’t do it. I will admit that, as I watched Keri meeting and connecting with many of the teachers, I thought about how that’s what Keri does. She meets people. She engages in conversation with anyone. I never know if she’s trying to win people over, or if she’s genuinely interested in them. I guess I’m not that interested in some people.

There’s still a lot to be mined from today’s experiences. There’s still a lot to be processed. I would love to talk about this with others, to hear what others think. Honestly, I would love to be able to sit down with some of the people at each of the sessions to simply talk about things, to hear about how some of the teachers want to use Twitter, or hope to use Twitter. I want to get honest and critical feedback about how much they got out of the session. I would love to sit down with those teachers who are choosing not to participate in the PD or in the research study and simply listen. I want to hear what they have to say. I really want them to talk me through what they think would be worthwhile for their time. I’m less interested in why they don’t want to participate in this PD, and more interested in what type of PD they would be interested in. And I would also like to sit down with some teachers who are participating in the PD in order to gauge what they expect, and what they hope to get out of it. I want to listen to them also.

Listening is powerful. It gives people voice. It empowers them. I guess I feel like, so often, teachers aren’t given voice, or aren’t empowered. As teachers, we see what buy-in and confidence can do for our students. Confidence is what I call a “game-changer,” especially for 8^th graders, living during some of the most insecure, self-doubting times of life. Listening to a kid does wonders. Helping a kid grow more confident in himself/herself, truly in themselves and not in what they just accomplished or in what they can accomplish but because they live and breath and exist and should be confident—that changes things. Why can’t we see this need in ourselves, or in other teachers?

Yes, 8^th grade is hard because of how unsure we are as adolescents and how awkward everything seems, but life is pretty hard too. I can remember when I went to college, the thought struck me, “This is the first time my parents have ever had a son in college, and a son who hasn’t lived close to home.” That thought revealed to me how hard life could be and was for them. Sure, I wasn’t exactly sure of what I was doing; I was the one moving 700 miles away to go to college. But they were also allowing me/helping me do that, and they were dealing with their own issues because of it. Even thought they were adults, they didn’t know how everything would work out; life was hard for them too.

Why can’t we realize, as adults, as teachers, that we need voices, and we need confidence? Why can’t we slow down, or carve out time, to listen to one another and to support one another? It’s always easier to gripe and complain. This year, I want to stop taking the easy road. This year, I’m ready to learn more than I teach. This year, things are going to be different, and I want to be a change-agent, not only for my students, but also for teachers in my building and in my district.