stream of consciousness

What’s on my mind?

Sometimes I do just want my students to listen.

I like being surprised by my students, but not when they say something vulgar or they hit someone. I know it happens, but I figured they might try to hide it at least a little bit. Blatant disregard for another really makes me mad. Add pure, narcissistic egotism to the list too. (That’s what my 7th period class feels like).

I’m totally cool with my students when they think outside the box. When I “hand” them the box and they think outside of it, I get excited because then we get to have some fun. Who likes being stuck in a box anyway? Right now, though, when I “hand” them the box, they ignore the box completely and do something completely different. It makes no sense. I don’t understand it. I’ve had 26 students doing a timed focus writing in their Writing Notebooks, and then have 3 guys listening to music on the computers or walking across class to talk to a friend. I could understand drawing, or not writing, or even reading a book.

What has just occurred to me is that I am changing. Dear Lord, please help me to not become “that” teacher. For the most part, I’m cool with students doing a bit of chatting, as long as they whisper and can still do whatever I’m asking of them. Lots of times, that chatter is important for some students to process and think aloud through an assignment. But lately, I’ve noticed that I’m being a bit harsh about every little thing, and that’s just not me. The students need some leeway right now. As I write this, I hate phrases like “whatever I’m asking of them” and “’hand’ them the box.” Why can’t I have my students set their own goals and objectives, and then determine how to meet those goals? Is that doable in a room of 29 to 32 8th graders? Can someone out there tell me?

I want to get to know my students. I want my students to get to know one another. I want my students to work toward independence. When they walk into my class, a structure should be in place that supports their learning, without totally directing it. They determine the direction. Is this possible?

I liken my goal as a reading instructor to that of a connector or a bloodhound. I simply want to connect readers to texts in a meaningful way. Students are given books to read on a regular basis. I don’t want to give anything to anyone; I want to help students find what they’re looking for, even if sometimes they don’t know what they’re looking for. And if I can connect readers with one another in meaningful ways, so that conversations take place, so that questions are raised, so that solutions are sought, then I would be really happy too. I’ve found that, sometimes, in an effort to connect a reader to a text, it is first important to connect the reader to another reader. That added connection sometimes makes the connection to a text easier and stronger at the same time. I’ve used the word sometimes quite a bit, because I’ve also found that there is no absolute when it comes to human beings.

When it comes to my goal as a writing instructor, I’m at a bit of a loss. Basically, I think of writing as a journey on this really long path. When I look at my own path, I see that I was a good writer when I was young, but only when writing essays and arguments. Those were things that I enjoyed engaging in because it was about organization, it was about research and synthesis, it was about reading and learning and then taking that and putting it together to say something meaningful. I’m pretty sure I first learned that when I was in 8th grade and had to write an essay on either The Crucible or Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. I had to write a paper on both of those plays, but I don’t remember which one was in 8th grade. I didn’t quite understand the grammar and sentence level complexities and creativity that is available to writers until I got into college and started taking foreign languages. When I had to break down Greek into phrases and then translate it, I began to gain the ability to think of my writing in English in the same way. So now, often, I’m thinking of English in words and phrases rather than sentences and paragraphs. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to write longer pieces. How does this relate to me as an English/writing teacher? I’m not sure.

When it comes to my writing instruction, I simply want to point the way for those that I teach; I liken myself to Google Maps and Wal-Mart. There are lots of paths that writers can take. They should get to choose. I want to be there to say, “OK, this is where you’re going. Let me show you three ways to get there. You choose which you think is best.” That’s what I want to happen in my classroom. When my students start writing, I want to have a conversation with them that helps them along their way. Whatever tools or supplies they need, I can help them get. Whatever direction they need in how to get there, I can provide. Maybe that is a pretty narcissistic, egotistical thing for me to think, but I guess that’s how I want to think of myself. Maybe it would be a whole lot better if I were able to help them be the Google Maps and Wal-Mart for each other. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that would be much better. First I need to get there though.